I Have to

i have to listen
to this lonely night

i have to listen
to this noisy fan

i have to feel the breeze
of this cold night

i have to feel lonely
coz you’re not beside me

right now,
i can only feel pain
regret and sorrow

hoping you’d come back to me
even though i never had you

i have to listen
to this lonely music

illusions
false imaginations
start to fall into my shoulders
wondering when will your fake hug
reach my dreadful feelings

my heart cannot speak
my lips tremble as i whisper
the words i uttered badly

you claimed the seat beside me
and now i’m hoping
you’d be here to stay

but all hopes were tangled
all thoughts weren’t clear
and this hanging “i love you”
still lingers on my tongue

because until now
i cannot admit to myself
that i love you
and i would love you even if it’s too painful

because this seat beside me
stays vacant since the day you’ve claimed it.

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