“Hindi naman marunong magalit ‘yan si concon e.”
-is what they used to say.
Nasa loob yung kulo e. But honestly, I don’t really get mad at all. I don’t yell much at people.
I’ve been there before, being awfully wrong because I got mad first before asking the real reason. I wasn’t the perfect girl, so I had to learn from the wrong to know what’s right. I am so sorry for the people I have wronged before. They know that… I hope. So now, I make it a point that I ask first.
Yes, I do get mad sometimes. I have these vicious voices in my head wherein I have already killed the person I’m angry at. But when I face that person, I don’t really do that. I make sure to ask what is wrong. Why did it happen? And even if the true reason of my struggle is because of the incompetence of that person, I still can’t get mad at him/her. Simply because I know the feeling of being degraded because I got yelled at. I know the feeling of being stepped at because I did something wrong. We just all wish that the sermon goes away ’cause we’ve already figured out what we’ve done wrong.
As much as I wanted to get mad, as much as I wanted to yell out loud, I still don’t. ‘Cause I know the feeling of being hurt… and I don’t want others to feel the same way as I did.
But why do I always get to be yelled at? Why do I still feel the pain of being so so wrong? It’s so unfair. The worse part is, it wasn’t my fault, yet I get to suffer the blame. I was the one yelled at, and I am expected to fix things up. And it had always been the most important people who makes the deepest scars of hurting me with their words. And it pains me a lot to hear them throw words at me without even asking if it’s really my fault… or do I have anything to do with it.
Funny how I’ve been so happy yesterday… and ended up so torn tonight.