Yell at Me No

“Hindi naman marunong magalit ‘yan si concon e.”

-is what they used to say.

Nasa loob yung kulo e. But honestly, I don’t really get mad at all.  I don’t yell much at people.

I’ve been there before, being awfully wrong because I got mad first before asking the real reason.  I wasn’t the perfect girl, so I had to learn from the wrong to know what’s right.  I am so sorry for the people I have wronged before.  They know that… I hope.  So now, I make it a point that I ask first.

Yes, I do get mad sometimes.  I have these vicious voices in my head wherein I have already killed the person I’m angry at.  But when I face that person, I don’t really do that.  I make sure to ask what is wrong.  Why did it happen?  And even if the true reason of my struggle is because of the incompetence of that person, I still can’t get mad at him/her.  Simply because I know the feeling of being degraded because I got yelled at.  I know the feeling of being stepped at because I did something wrong.  We just all wish that the sermon goes away ’cause we’ve already figured out what we’ve done wrong.

As much as I wanted to get mad, as much as I wanted to yell out loud, I still don’t.  ‘Cause I know the feeling of being hurt… and I don’t want others to feel the same way as I did.

But why do I always get to be yelled at?  Why do I still feel the pain of being so so wrong?  It’s so unfair.  The worse part is, it wasn’t my fault, yet I get to suffer the blame.  I was the one yelled at, and I am expected to fix things up.  And it had always been the most important people who makes the deepest scars of hurting me with their words.  And it pains me a lot to hear them throw words at me without even asking if it’s really my fault… or do I have anything to do with it.

Funny how I’ve been so happy yesterday… and ended up so torn tonight.

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