Rowena to Dylan

To my friends, Sarah and Maylene… yes… they know, and still know… that I still like you all along.  No matter how I boast to them that I’m over… they know.  You’re my first love after all.

It was a joke at first.  Seriously.  I didn’t expect it to turn out this way.  I had a crush on you… knowing that you love art as much as I do.  But we’re total opposites when it comes to the subjects we love and hate.  And perhaps that’s the reason why you never liked me.

I remember the day when you first held my hand accidentally.  I was screaming inside, truly I was crazy about you.  And for all the years we’ve been together… I wasn’t able to talk to you normally… ’cause whenever I do, I always get the chills and overflowing happiness.  I don’t know why… and I’m not adding any flattering words here… but it’s true… that’s how head over heels I am for you.

And for those years I had a one-sided love for you… I wasn’t fine… knowing that you like someone else… and she might like you too.  And I can’t figure out what you liked about her other than she’s a beauty.  Well, that was just a story of a high school jealousy.

Until the day you finally broke my heart… severely.

Remember the day you cornered me just to say, “What is wrong with you?  Am I still the one?  Am I?  That’s why you won’t give Alfonso a chance because of me?”

You were the one who pushed me to another guy.  You should’ve just let me fall for him naturally.  Why do you have to do that?

I was falling for him one step at a time… but because of that… rage took me in.  Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I felt the urge to be his girlfriend.  But we didn’t get to that point… ’cause eventually, he broke my heart and ruined my life.  He didn’t bother to go after me (he said).  I was the one who left him, ’cause enough is enough… but I was also the one who tried to patch things up just to save a little friendship.  But after all the things I’ve said about being fine… perhaps I’ll never be.

After 5 years of living with a broken heart, I was finally reunited with you… but you had a girlfriend.  But this time… I thought… maybe that would be the best.  Maybe this time, I can finally be happy for you.  But then, you broke up.  And then you found another one.  But then, she ran away.  Funny ’cause every heartbreak you get, I was always there to try to cheer you up.  But I know I wasn’t enough… ’cause who am I anyway?

So now that you’re finally free… now that I can finally be friendly to you as I would’ve love to do before, I told myself… yes, this is what I want… to be friends with you.  The high school feeling were long gone.  Enough is enough.  But after a few laughter, a few smiles, a few chit-chat and long conversations… I found myself lost again… lost in the unknown universe of one-sided love.

I have learned my lesson before, that’s why I’m fine with loving you alone.  It was fun to assume, but never to take it seriously.  That was the sole rule of loving you.  Until this day came… when they talked about you starting to like someone new again.  Who am I kidding Dylan?  Am I really over you?  Am I really fine by just looking at you… drifting away?

Well.. whatever.  Because I know… whatever I do… you will never love me anyway.

-Rowena

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