Look at Me, I’m Smiling

There were plenty of moments in life where I wear this thing so called “smile” and fool everyone that everything about me is “fine”. It hurts me that sometimes, people don’t ask how you are. But it scares me the most when they ask ’cause I might bore them on my stories. Sometimes they may ask, but they’re actually not interested. Most of them ask just to fill their curiosity and then judge you for everything. It’s like, you were explaining something that they already made a whole different story in their minds so your side won’t even matter.
People around me knew me maybe as someone who loves to smile, giggle and laugh. I’m not saying those moments weren’t true. It’s just not the only life I live in.
I cast a very huge shadow of despair. Heartaches. Loneliness. Anxiousness. So every now and then I needed this pill called “best friends”. They were very effective but only available at limited times.
Imagine me sending long messages explaining my crying heart every night. Imagine me personally telling my story in some crooked voice to avoid my tears from falling. Imagine them listening, crying for you when you can’t, telling you you’re wrong when you are, changing topic for you so you won’t linger on pain.
Imagine me living everyday, carrying these burdens when my best friends are not available. Imagine me smiling, laughing and giggling on moments when I actually cry at night. Imagine me trying hard to live a happy life every moment just to forget the pain. Imagine me hidding my emotions just to surpass the storm.
Imagine me smiling. Imagine hearing my unnecessary loud laugh to hide my struggles.
Look at me, I’m smiling.

One thought on “Look at Me, I’m Smiling

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