Too Much

Don’t know if there’s just too much overthinking… or there’s just too much on my plate. Don’t know if my problems are just too small, or I’m just too afraid to talk about them. Some people are just gossip friendly, some are just curious, and for some… I don’t want them to feel burdened.
There’s so much going on in the sidelines. They have their own lives. Good days to live, celebrations to take. I hated ruining the mood. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I don’t tell whoever whatever.
I really thought I’m fine by now. I’ve cried in the church for I think almost twice this month. I always try to divert my attention on something else. Whenever I had the chance to think of something else, smile and laugh on something, talk about other things, I grab them… maybe just to feel a little bit fine, a little bit okay, or maybe I was so into the diversion, that now, reality had slapped me with “no, you’re not yet okay.” Because some nights felt heavy. Some nights I’d cry out of nowhere. Some nights I’d sleep late just so I could sleep immediately.
Some days… I hated to be alone… these days… most of it… I hated being just by myself. ‘Cause my inner thoughts had betrayed me… and had always… always made me feel a little bad, or a little lonely… or angry, or I don’t know, whatever that is not happy.
Sometimes I wanted to scream for help, but I guess I hated asking for help… or I was too scared of asking. Sometimes I wanted to be lost… but actually, I really wanted to be found… get a really nice, long, and warm hug. Just that hug.

3 thoughts on “Too Much

  1. We all need someone to talk to when we going through things. Therefore, try to find someone that you feel comfortable talking to. Also, just know whatever you might be going through someone else has been through it before and in a better place now that they have got the help they need on it.

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